Don't Be Afraid To Sing.

    Anyways, I've stopped working for my Dad, and I am going back home tomorrow. It's been three weeks since I left home and I am going crazy. I miss my cats, I miss my friends, and I miss my Mom as crazy as that sounds. Yeah, we don't agree on a lot of things, but she is my MOM. Plus I'm not going to see much of her when camp starts. It's camp, labour day, and then back to school. In 18 days, the rest of the summer is going to be like sprinting at the end of a race. It's just going to go. I have to enjoy it while I can. And that doesn't involve working on lenses all the time.

    I have to get an acoustic guitar now. I don't want a fancy one or an expensive one. Just a cheap one that works. I don't have any stands so I have to get cheap guitars. Because they end up getting a little bit of wear and tear. And that's not a bad thing, it gives them character.

    When I was working, I was thinking about all the things I want to spend my hard earned money on. Now that I am done and I have my cheque...I don't really want to spend it! What's wrong with me? I only want to spend my Mom's money. That's not fair...lmao. Jeez. It will wear off when I go to a mall or something, most likely. :P

AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was amazing!

After three or four hours of standing in the hot sun I DID get to the front.
I touched Emily Haines's hand...twice!!
It was obvious she wasn't wearing a bra 0_0...but that's not important I guess.
Everyone in the audience said she was a bitch last year so I was worried that they were gonna say the same thing about her this year...but I don't think they would have she seemed to really enjoy performing. =)

AH! It was awesome.



More photos in my Bluesfest gallery. =)

So this show was fucking amazing. I got there early (I snuck and took the bus...and I almsot got the rest of Bluesfest taken away because of that. I AM LUCKY that I didn't.) and I bought my merch. I got a Stars t-shirt and a Most Serene Republic t-shirt...I would have gotten a Brights t-shirt but I want a Metric t-shirt on friday so...maybe next time.

I stood for a looong time in the horrible humid heat. Thankfully, I accomplished my goal of getting to the front so that made all of the standing around worth it. Brights was on and they were pretty great. I have seen them like twice now. I met this pretty cool girl when they were playing and we got to talking for a while...but when Jason Collett came on we sort of got separated because I had to guard my spot at the front and she was trying to get to the front too. Haha. It's a shame though...she was cool.




When Jason Collett was playing, Amy Millan from Stars was backstage singing along and we saw her...and girls started screaming. It was funny. Then Amy came onstage and sang a song with Jason. It was pretty cool. I only stood through Jason Collett because I wanted to be at the front for The Most Serene Republic & Stars. I wasn't about to lose that spot...it was a great spot.




Then The Most Serene Republic came on. They are quite amazing live. The singer is a bit of a weirdo but that just makes them even cooler in my opinion...he has big raging eyes and dances like a maniac. Although that bitch beside me kind of ruined their show for me because she kept on screaming and complaining about his dancing and I was so tempted to just say "BITCH! SHUT THE FUCK UP! THAT'S THE WAY HE PERFORMS...GET OVER IT OR GO HOME!!". But I didn't. I don't know why but I didn't.

There was a really great moment when the pianist from TMSR made everyone turn around to look at the beautiful sunset along the Ottawa river. They were excited because they never get a time slot with light...but yeah the piano was playing their amazing piano stuff and it was just perfect that I actually got chills up my spine. That happens a lot when music moves me.



Then oh my god. STARS. They are fucking amazing. So many moments I will never forget happened during their set.
They were peforming so them being infront of me was a great moment all in its own.
But Amy Millan was like smiling at the crowd in my direction.
And I woo'd at the guitarist when he came up to the front and he looked at me and smiled (with teeth. MAJOR FANGIRL MOMENT. over.) haha. And then Torquil Campbell came into the audience and he was like RIGHT infront of me singing "I'M ALIVE!" Haha. It was so epic. They sound amazing live....I would definitely see them again. I loved being at the front and singing along with them. This whole bluesfest experience is really making me realize the connection between the performer and the fan at a show. I mean I always knew it was there...and I have watched musicians talk about it. But...I actually felt it and I almost cried. Yeah...I almost had a sobfest at bluesfest. HAHA. Anyways...yeah.



You can find more photos from this and other performances in my Cisco Ottawa Bluesfest gallery.

I saw Infected Mushroom at Bluesfest, and it was quite interesting.
There were a ton of ravers and candy kids (I'm not used to that kind of thing...seeing as I live in a small town but I thought it was so cool!). I got straight to the front again. It's not hard to get to the front at Bluesfest...all you have to do is get there early.

But this one crazy raver dance dude (who was french) kept on bugging me. He also had the guy beside me (who was waiting for Primus...they were up next) go back a little further because he is a huge Infected Mushroom fan and just had to be at the front. So then he made me put my backpack in the corner of the fence and dance with him. Then he offered me a cigarette. Of course I declined but that didn't stop him from smoking in my face. Then he kept on climbing onto the fence. He was crazy lol. It was pretty cool.

I also got a t-shirt but it's not all tripped out like I thought it would be. But it was only 15 dollars so I figured why not?
Haha.

They were also signing autographs at the autograph booth after the show but Snoop Dog was playing so loud that he gave a me a headache (not a fan of him at all). And it was getting hot and the line was long so I didn't go for it. Plus I really didn't have anything for them to sign...but I am thinking that if Metric does that I would definitely wait in line for that.

Anyways here are a couple of photos (the rest you can find in my bluesfest gallery):





Toodles!

So we got to the front row at the Feist concert.
It was...AMAZING.
She is so graceful.
Also she sounds exactly the same, if not better, as her recordings.
She is an amazing performer.
I got a t-shirt...so I owe trevor 35 bucks hahaha.
Also...I got a napkin snowflake that she threw into the crowd! AWESOME night!
Here is a photo (the rest will be in my galleries):

   
     Everyone gets weird and stuff. Nobody is perfect. In fact, if anyone thinks they are perfect I would like to thwack them with an ugly stick. I haven't been diagnosed with anything, I haven't seen a professional shrink or anything. My Mom has thought about it, but my Father thinks I am just some teen angst. How do you know the difference?

    Let me start with anger. I have a lot of it inside me, I always have. I don't know why. I am not only stereotyped as "emo" because of the way I dress, but because of my facial expressions. I always seem to looked depressed or angry, with a scowl on my face and such. Apperantly I never smile (this of course has changed over the past couple of months...but I am not talking recently and a lot of the time I still have this problem). Since grade 6 I have been on edge 90% of the time. I don't know what triggered this anger and now it really doesn't take much to trigger a temper tantrum from me...and my family gets the bare brunt of it. My Mother and I always fight because she annoys the shit out of me. I love her, but sometimes she is annoying. Anything makes me mad really...the way she chews her food, how slow she walks or drives, her constantly interrogating me with questions as soon as I get home from school and I don't fee like talking. You think she would get that by now, after about 2 years but no she doesn't. Her constant nagging and her ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS jumping to conclusions! It drives me nuts! Also, my brother and sister are very annoying too. We never get along. I am very bossy and mean at home. When my friends aren't around, that is when I let my anger and sadness out in every way possible...and it has lead my Mother, Brother and Sister to think that I am selfish, angsty, easily annoyed, bossy etc. I am not like that at all around my friends, I don't know why I do it to my Mom. I am always rude to her...it's rare that we have a pleasant day. I don't know why it's like this...and she thinks I hate her when I don't. We disagree on A LOT of things, and we lead completely different lives from birth. She can't relate to any of my situations, and everytime I ask her for advice, she always says she doesn't know what to tell me because she never went through that. It's hard. Anyways, so in short I am always angry around my family. I am always on edge. Shouldn't your home and family be where you are happiest? I am happiest away from home. Believe it or not, I like going to school just to be away from my home and family and if I can get out of going home I will. It's horrible. I am a spoiled brat, aren't I? I don't think I am. Yes, I get what I want but I don't brag about it and I don't say I have nothing. I am thankful for what I have even thought I am always buying new stuff. Shopping is a habit and an addiction for me. Not even kidding.

    Sadness. At the beginning of the school year (and grade 7 & 8 in elementary school) I was always angry or sad. I would cry all the time and get depressed over things that are just in my head. The school thought I was suffering, so they had me refer myself to Open Doors, a counseling organization in Lanark County. I started to see a counsellor who is probably an amazing one. She really helped me this year and I have come a long way in figuring out who I am and why I am so sad all the time. She also steers me in the right direction when it comes to typical high school stuff such as parties and drugs. I mean it's not like I completely dependent on her and stuff, but she is a great help. Anyways, significant events and such have made me depressed. I have not been diagnosed with depression but then again I have never seen a doctor. I don't think I am depressed. But about a month ago I was really sad because of an unfortunate situation. I was forcing myself happy with Monster energy drinks (because caffeine makes me happy). I think I am pretty much addicted to caffeine now. It's not good. Oh well. Haha. But anyways, and once I will admit it. I got drunk alone out of being depressed over an unfortunate situation. But now I have realized that it's pointless to be depressed and I am so much happier. I had to MAKE myself happy, but hey, at least I am here. I have great friends that I love very much. 

    Paranoia? I get this bad. Now I finally know how to explain it. Whenever anything happens, I always think it's my fault. Sometimes I am so paranoid that my best friends are mad at me and such. Whenever something happens, I think of not just one worst case scenario, but about a million. Then, I get this bad feeling in my stomach and I get racing thoughts...I even build conflict with someone inside my own head because of a certain event. I automatically think they are trashing me and hating on me...when they aren't (hopefully...they should have better things to do). I'm not sure how to explain that. Anyways, when I have all these bad scenarios in my head, I go around trying to solve problems that don't exist and it makes people think I am sometiemes over apologetic and such. I am trying to die this all down...I am starting to take on a new attitude and hopefully it sticks. I am learning to just take things as they come, and that nobody will remember this all ten years from now. I just say "deal with it if the situation comes up, that's all I can do." So far it has been working and I think am managing...but before it was a nightmare and sometimes I still get it.

    I don't know what this is called, but sometimes I feel like my head is about to explode. It's not a headache. It's not anything painful...well it is painful but not literally if you know what I mean. It just feels like everything in my brain is scattered and that my head is just one big balloon. I got this all the time in math class. It was as if there was a fog inside my head. That is why I almost failed. It interfered with my ability to graspe the subjects. I have it as I write this, and it makes me go intensely on edge and I tend to snap. It doesn't help that currently my siblings have their annoying friends over. And it doesn't help that my little sister annoys me just because she IS ANNOYING. Sometimes just her presence and looking at her makes me want to kill her. Not literally, but you know wjhat I mean. Sometimes I can't even listen to music while in this state, which my Mother thinks is unusual. I can never explain this state right without people getting the wrong impression and it angers me.
It's almost as if my brain is swelling or something. It's so hard to explain...

    Also, I am very moody. One minute I will be happy and then the next minute I will be crying or punching a pillow. Sometimes I am just incredibly unstable.


None of this stuff is anything abnormal...and I don't feel like I need meds or anything.

I hope you enjoyed reading about my problems lmao...

I am finally going to get going on the Beautiful Warts and All projects...I haven't been doing anything. Here is my start.
Okay...here I go! =P

If you don't already know, my name is Shirley and I am 15 years old.
My natural hair colour is brown, but I dye it black. Not Jet black, but a natural black.
My hair length is not too long and not too short.
I have brown eyes, and medium skin tone.
I don't know how tall I am...last time I checked I was 5"5. Not sure.
I guess you could say my body type is slim. I'm not dangerously skinny, I am healthy.




Things I like about my appearance: Believe it or not, I actually like things about my appearance. About a year and a half ago, I hated everything about myself. I have really come a long way when it comes to self confidence, but I'm not quite there yet. So here I go.

1) My hair. Now that I actually take care of it, and style it, it isn't as thick and it isn't hard to manage anymore. It's not too thick and not too thin, and I like the colour. Also, it is very soft. Ask anyone who knows me because they molest my hair at school 24/7. Haha. I hate how cocky I sound. It makes me feel bad. I'm not bragging just so you know, I am just listing things I like about myself. Here is a picture. I am the one on the left with the black and white scarf and the tiny tie...




2) My eyes. They are big, and I can pull off the liquid eyeliner all the way around the eye. I like that. I wish they weren't brown though. I would like a better colour like green or blue. Something people enjoy looking at. But I am settling for what I've got. I don't believe in using coloured contacts.






3) My lips. I don't know why, I just like the shape of them. I never wear lip gloss or anything, because it annoys the shit out of me. I like my lips with nothing on them and I like them the way they are. They aren't thin and they aren't thick.




4) Since I started getting acne really early, I don't get it as much now. Only when I eat chocolate. And I have pretty good cover up...so it doesn't show that much.


That's pretty much all I like.


Imperfections/Insecurities: There are many things I wish I could change. Some are changeable, and some are not.

1) I don't like my jaw. I actually have an overbite (luckily, it doesn't show. I don't get that...). I just don't like the way my jaw mouth looks from the side when it is closed. It just bugs me. Sometimes I get paranoid about my jaw and the whole overbite thing and sometimes I can just feel it...and then I just make my lower jaw meet up front with my upper jaw and I feel weird. It's so hard to explain. Haha. But here is how it looks from the side...




2) I really really don't like this whole scar problem I  have on my arms. It makes me not want to show my upper arms...ever. I always have to wear a long sleeved top under a t-shirt, or under a tank top. I hate showing my shoulders. There are scars from squeeszing zits, or what I THINK is a blackhead. Why do I squeeze you ask? Well it is a habit my Father sort of inforced into me without realizing. When I was younger (like 9 years old) I started getting acne and blackheads on my nose. He would literally grab my face and start squeezing. It hurt...but it doesn't hurt anymore. I really told him to stop after a while...but then I started getting paranoid. So now whenever I see a little zit or a black head, I MUST squeeze it out. It's gross, I know. And now I have scars that I don't think are going to go away anytime soon. Whenever I see a girl with perfectly scar-less arms (which is everyday) I get so mad. One time I actually started crying about it. It really phased my mom. Sometimes I wear t-shirts anyway because now my lower arms are tanned and my upper arms are not and it looks funny. But here are some examples of what I go through all the time...I am starting to come out of this and just accept it for what it is. Also, I am making myself stop picking at them. It's gross and it just makes it worse. I scrub my arms every day in the shower too to prevent it from getting worse. They are actually starting to fade a little bit. Which is great!
I am really drunk in this picture...but you get the point. That is a tank top. It is SUMMER.



3) I don't like the hair on my arms. I have dark and more arm hair because I am half italian...it is part of my heritage to have this. But here in North America, most women don't have this problem. They have no arm hair to speak of. It pisses me off. Especially when you see a guy with less arm hair than you. Wouldn't that make you crazy? I am actually starting to just accept this too, because it's my heritage. And I am really not the only one, thank god. But as I spend more time in the sun I tan really easily and my hair lightens. So it's not SO bad. =) But it makes me uncomfortable when it shows up.

4) I also don't like my teeth. They are slightly crooked and look horrible in pictures and videos more so than they do in real life. So if you see a vid or a pic where I am showing my teeth just remember that it's not like that in my mirror. Anyways, I am getting  braces in the fall for about 3 months so it will straighten them up nice. So that I don't have to worry about.

That's pretty much all I can think of at the moment for likes and dislikes.

FASHION/PERSONAL STYLE

SO!

Many people like to stereotype me as EMO because I am usually wearing dark clothes with little colour like this...


I will admit it, this is how I usually dress. But lately, I have been changing quite a bit. I never thought I would end up this way...but I am loving what I am becoming. Yes, I like black clothes. But at the moment, all I wanna do is wear a TON OF COLOUR! I am going crazy over it. I love the peace sign, smiley faces, rainbow stuff, jewelry that looks like candy...stuff like that. I still love my Cons though...no way am I ever going to stop wearing those babies. And I will never stop wearing skinny jeans. They are amazing and comfy...but they also really love my legs. Haha.
Here are some examples.

BEFORE:
( I am the one with the camera haha)




AFTER:





You can also see a difference in my imperfections/insecurities section with the tank top thing...


I am now obsessed with everything I listed above. I am starting to buy more colourful clothes and funkier stuff...really coming out of my shell. To be honest I am going back to the way I was when I was younger. ALSO I am listening to more trance happy hardcore and stuff and people have told me I tend to dress to my music and my mood. I am a lot happier lately too so that is definitely a big factor. But I will never stop wearing black eyeliner around my eyes and dying my hair black. I really like black, and that isn't going to change. Sometimes I go through phases where I want my brown hair back...but that would take forever and besides...black hair makes my skin look paler...which I like. I don't get why people hate pale skin...I LOVE PALE SKIN! I would love to have it! LOVE YOURSELF AND YOUR WHITE SKIN YOU FREAKS! lol...sorry.

Anyways, I think that is all.

I hope you enjoyed my long self absorbed journal lol...but I enjoyed doing this. It helped me realize that I do like things about myself and I should be happy and thankful that my imperfections aren't worse. I am lucky. =)

Officially one of the best shows of my entire year long show attending life.

It was a challenge to get there of course because I live about an hour away from where the show was. But once we got there it was all worth it. Jess and I managed to get to the front without any real trouble.

The first band was Hartford. They are a band fron Gatineau...
To be honest, I wasn't so into them. Their energy on stage just seemed so fake and their sound to me didn't sound very good. I just wasn't feeling it. But I managed to get one good photo...

There were actually two good photos but it was just a photo of his bass.

The second band was I Call This Safety. They are from Ottawa.
THEY WERE SO FUCKING GOOD! Their energy was great, the music was great, they were just great!
I bought one of their t-shirts because I just...had to. That's how good they were.
I got really into it. Here are some photos of them...








CHECK OUT THE ROBOT ON HIS SWEATER! It was our goal to get pictures of that haha.

The third band was Oceans. They were...crazy! In a good way.
The singer was just out of this world. He was all over the place knocking things over, standing on the speakers (and using my shoulder to hold onto for support lmao). He also jumped infront of us and Jess got the ass in the face. Good times. ^_^
After they were done, I went up to him and I asked where their merch was (there were merch tables all over the place) and he led me over and then he kept on trying to get me to call the merch guy Shandi...even though his name was supposedly Shauzi or something.

Oceans singer: "It's right over here...just talk to Shauzi! But wait...actually, call him Shandi. JUST DO IT! I swear. He will know it was me. Do it! Do it!"

Me: "Okay...*goes up to the table*".
"Sup, Shandi?!"

Shauzi/Shandi: "Shandi...?" *looks at Oceans singer* "YOU JERK!!"

Haha good times. I bought a t-shirt and the EP. He came up to me after and was all like "Thank you so much! Some of the stuff is good but some of the songs aren't so great! Enjoy!" And then I got a picture with him. Here are the Oceans pictures below...







There are many more pictures, by the way, but I just don't want this blog to be too much longer than it already will be.

The fourth band was Sydney. The band we originally were there to see. They were SO GREAT! Before they started playing the singer, Scott, was posing for our cameras. It was tres hilarious because he was being so girlie about it.
Their energy was great, their music was great and we got to talk to the guys in the band!
Mainly Anto, the bassist, and he was really cool. He was so nice!
While Sydney was playing, we met this cool girl who got a song dedicated to her (she is a really big fan).
After the show, Jess went to get a t-shirt while me and the girl stayed by the stage to save spots. Then Anto came up to us and stuff and he gave me a hug! He was really sweaty...but it was fine. Haha. Then I went back to their merch table. I bought both of their CD's and then I bought a t-shirt that is WAY TOO BIG for me. I am going to turn it into a dress and wear it with leggings. We all discussed that and Anto thought it was a great idea haha. After I bought the stuff he gave me another hug. And then we hung out with him outside after too a little bit. I got a picture with Anto inside and then I got one with Scott, the singer when we were outside. It was an awesome night. Then Anto gave us hugs before we left. So in total I got three hugs from this bassist guy in a good band with AWESOME HAIR! Major fan girl moment, no?














I look horrible in these pictures, but it doesn't matter. I had FUN!

The last band was the main act, Rosesdead. They were so amazing. But I didn't get any pictures of them, sadly, because I was at the back with people hanging out. But their sound was great and their energy was amazing. They are breaking up and are on their final tour so I had to get into their last Ottawa mosh pit. And I did. My crappy mascara started running because of sweat and burned my eyes, though. Not fun. Other than that it was a very fulfilling experience.

Here are some other random pictures from the night...



Jess and I waiting in line!




Jess being adorable. As usual.


Hope you enjoyed my long journal.
Peace out.

    I can't wait until school is over. It's over on the 16th, and I only have ONE EXAM! That is a nice reward after last semester. Last semester was a real bitch.


    I got my very own trombone yesterday! Well, it's not really mine. I rented it. The music store we went to was amazing. I have never been there before and I wasn't expecting anything special when I opened the door. But then I walked in and there infront of me was this huge room with guitars on the wall and drumsets all over the place and bass guitars on another wall, pianos and keyboards in another section and then there is a brass instrument room and an acoustic guitar room where I saw this really awesome instrument called a silent guitar...



HOW COOL IS THAT?! It has barely any body at all.
I want one. Haha.
I should probably get the other types of guitars first before I even think about this one but hey whatever. It's cool.
I saw a silent upright bass too.

I love my trombone. I love that instrument. I can't wait to play it at IMC this summer. It's going to be grrrreat!


Anyways, gotta jet.
Laterzzzz...
Shirley

So I bought The Most Serene Repbulic's latest album, Population, this past weekend.
When I popped in into my stereo, the music started going and I was automatically put into an altered state of conscienceness.
After about three songs, I was laying back on my piano bench, and staring at a blue cycle and an orange squiggly stripe thing above me. At one point, I was so phased that my eyes weren't even focused on anything.

I was not on any drugs. This was a sober experience.

I tried telling my friend in art class today, but then everyone overheard and they now think I am either insane or an acid addict.

I believe music can move you in any way, including this one.
Do you?

Relay for life is tomorrrow! I am going to try to walk the full 12 hours.
Then the next day I am going to get a little bit of sleep and go get my hair cut (yay!! I need one so bad) and then go shopping (yay again!!). Then on sunday I am volunteering for the Fly-In breakfast at the Flying Club. I hope I don't end up buttering toast again...it was a very demanding job and it hurt my hands (hot butter and bread melting my rubber gloves). I have NEVER seen so much toast in my life! It was everywhere! And it was making me very hungry.

It is amazing what people will do to raise money around here.
A student brought in their old car and was having people take sledge hammers and baseball bats to it for about 4.99 each I think it was. It wasn't all that interesting because the glass was removed and there was no fluid. It was just a car but it was pretty beaten up. I can't believe the principle actually approved of this lol...but whatever. The school is trying to raise 1000 dollars for cancer so that a few people in our school with shave their head.

Going to my school costs so much money. You have the uniforms which aren't cheap, then there is a two dollar dress down day every month (all the proceeds go to charity thank god), and then there is Relay For Life where we basically have to raise 100 dollars each and we also have to pay a 10 dollar registration fee. Then there is pressure to donate for Luminairies for the track...I will have pictures. I am on a team called Powerthirst and we are an 80's workout team. Haha. Good stuff!

Gotta bounce.
Wish me luck with all this...
xo

I am becoming strangely obsessed with movies.

Here is my current list of favourites:

1) Alice In Wonderland - This has been one of my favourite movies since I was just a little child. And because of that movie, I became obsessed with mushrooms. I was very naive. Now I know that this movie is about a girl who is ON SHROOMS! HAHA! Man. You learn new things as you grow... but I still love this movie. It is the closest I will probably ever get to a shroom trip because lets face it I'm not interested in coming close to death and having my stomach (or is it my brain?) BLEED, thank you very much.

2) Twister - This was my second favourite movie. I first watched it when I was 9...and from then on for at least a year I wanted to be a stormchaser. Little did I know that you have to have a n aptitude for SCIENCE. Oh well. I think I will settle for music. Hehe.

3) Breakfast At Tiffany's - Audrey Hepburn is AMAZING. This movie is wonderful. I love older movies, they all talk to fast and they all of such class. Hey, that rhymes! Haha. But strangely this movie makes me crave butter croissants. Haha I can only imagine why....

4) Ghost Rider - Some people say that this movie isn't very good, but I honestly LOVED IT. I watched it ever night for about four weeks. I haven't watched it since (I don't watch my favourites too often...except for when I was addicted to this one). But I still love it!

5) Across The Universe - Who doesn't love this movie? I'm not a Beatles fan but I definitely enjoyed this film. Musicals are awesome.

6) The Nightmare Before Christmas - WHAT'S THIS?! Haha.

7) Edward Scissorhands - I can't get over how awesome this movie is. It is definitely an all-time favourite.

8) The Corpse Bride - I don't know why I love it! Maybe it is because it is dark and kinda creepy in a way, but also ADORABLE! I don't know why, I just love it!

9) Pirates of The Caribbean: The Curse of The Black Pearl - The first Pirates movie is the best. And the soundtrack is just awesome.

10) Beetlejuice - Another movie that I don't know why I love, I just do. BEETLEJUICE! BEETLEJUICE! BEETLEJUICE!

11) The Devil Wears Prada - Another movie that I was addicted to for a long time. I went to see it in theaters four times. HAHA!

12) 13 Going on 30 - This movie is just adorable and it always reminds me to enjoy my age while I am still here.

13) A Cinderella Story - Okay. I know. It's Hilary Duff. I may not like her as a musician, but I always kinda-liked her as an actress. I like some of her movies and I love this one!

14) The Perfect Man - The other Hilary Duff movie I like. It's a good one, IMO.

15) The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants - The book is better but I love the movie.

16) Space Balls - This movie makes me LOL! I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!

17) Finding Nemo - This movie is so cute. I try not to think about it when I eat sushi though.

18) Ratatouille - That little rat is so damn cute it makes my heart melt! And he can cook!

19) The Breakfast Club - I saw part of this movie when I was at a friends house and I loved what I saw. I need to buy the movie and see the rest.

20) St. Elmo's Fire - My friend brought this to my house once. It was pretty good!

21) Rent - One of my favourite musicals of all time! No day but today!

22) The Rocky Horror Picture Show - Transvestites? Meatloaf? BLOOD and stuff?! Love.

23) Funny Face - Again, Audrey Hepburn is amazing. I love her and she was great in this movie. Some of the choreography is odd but that's kinda why I like it as well hehe.

24) Pretty In Pink - This movie is awesome and it has a good message. =]

Okay...now there is a list of movies I need to see!

1) Juno  - I here so many great things about this movie yet I have never seen it! Yet.

2) 16 Candles - I don't know why, I just want to see it.

3) Sweeney Todd - It's Tim Burton. It's about a demon barber. Why wouldn't I want to see it?

4) Talladega Nights - It looks FUNNY. My family is watching it right now...I might watch it later myself. Some movies are stupid but if they are funny I believe they are worth watching...haha.

5) Any other movies you suggest? And any that I forgot.

    Over the past few days, I have been having this incredible revelation that I need to share. It's definitely not anything original, but I want to talk about it anyways. As some of you may know, I just got dumped. On my birthday. Yeah...worst birthday ever. I barely celebrated it. Yeah, I got presents...went out to dinner with my dad. But it was ruined because I was semi hungover and pretty upset. Oh well. Anyways...moving along.

    I am much happier now...and in my happiness I have realized that for me, at this point in time, boyfriends are a waste. I am trying to make my own material...trying to make myself a musician. I know I am only 15 and that is impossible, but time is running out. If I don't have any material by the time I am old enough to actually get myself out there...how will I fulfill my dream?

    Right now, my main concern is my lyrics. I have been writing about current events in my life, trying to make my lyrics less typical. This has been going on for months, and it is harder than I thought. I have often found myself in need for a thesaurus. I want to make my listeners think. How do I do that? Write thought-provoking lyrics.

    What I really need is inspiration. I need to find my muse. And I believe that if I am in a relationship, that will be my muse. By all means, I do not want that to happen. Why? Because I don't want to have mushy love lyrics or melancholy break up pains seep throug the words that I write. I want something more. I want to write about different feelings, and different situations. So many great songs out there are not about typical relationship stuff. I need to get out of this teenager state of mind, and take on a more mature one. I am already mature for my age (too many people tell me that), but I feel like I'm not mature enough. I need to think outside the box. And a boyfriend is just a huge distraction from that. For me, being in a relationship will distract me from my music. I don't want any distractions. I can't let that happen. So, being dumped could possibly be the best thing that ever happened to me.

    I feel like I really need to focus on this, school, and nothing else. This is the stuff that will get me to where I want to be in life. I have to start really seeing the world around me for what it really is...

    I am starting a journey. A journey to find my muse. I just need to take it all in, one thing at a time. I need to read more books, listen to more genres of music, get to know people on a deeper level, study lyrics in songs that I hear, and get back into english class! I need to let this so-called creativity that I supposedly have (according to others) flow. Without it, I feel like I am nothing. Right now, I feel like I am nothing. I feel like I haven't accomplished anything artistically, emotionally, musically, etc. I need to change that. The time is now.

I think I got that out of my system for the most part. I am pretty excited. =]

Also, something less important that I would like to share.

I just ordered an insanely sick top from www.evilneedles.com


I can't wait until it comes in. Hopefully it will be in by the time the next dress down day comes...on the 16th. I <3 Bring Me The Horizon. Haha.

Before I get into this journal, I would like to say that this is MY opinion, and it is valid. So do not pick a fight with me over this topic. You don't have to agree, but don't pick a fight. Because I will not respond to such behaviour. Also, the last sentence is a joke.



    I was extremely appauled to find out that Disney Channel Pop Music "When You Look Me In The Eyes" Superstars are in a movie called Camp Rock. Why? HELLO! I am an actual Camp Rock attendee. The Jonas Brothers make Camp Rock look like a mock-American Idol from the commercials I have seen.

    Basically, I am writing this journal to set a few facts straight. I don't want the name and the idea of Camp Rock to be watered down because these polished over Disney Channel stars are making a movie about it. They know nothing of the real Camp Rock.

1) Camp Rock is NOT something you try out for like on American Idol. You do not stand in front of a huge CAMP ROCK sign and make a fool of yourself with a pink feather boa hanging around your neck with a microphone in your hand. You walk into a studio with your guitar,bass, drum sticks, voice (whatever section you are in for the week) and you play for the amazingly talented and experienced faculty.

2) There is NO DANCING! Camp Rock is not a broadway-esque dance number to some cheesy song called Kids of The Future. Gag me with a spoon, or any silver utensil that happens to be near by. Or just my earphones. Take me out of my misery while I am forced to witness the undeserved hype that The Jonas Brothers receive!

EXAMPLE OF HOW MISTAKEN YOU WILL BE WHEN YOU WATCH THIS MOVIE:

<- WRONG.
<-- RIGHT.
<-- WRONG.
<--RIGHT.
<-- RIGHT.

These are actual pictures from Camp Rock. Don't think I don't know what I am talking about.

3) The Jonas Brothers aren't even a rock band. They are three brothers who are trying to take over the world with the universes biggest cheese factor. And by cheese factor I mean cheesy lyrics and extremely polished and OVER PRODUCED "music". The rock music I know is not polished, nor is it over produced. It is hardcore and down the the point (I am talking about all sub-genres of rock aswell including emo, indie, hardcore, screamo, metal, punk etc). Compare a band like Van Halen to The Jonas Brothers. Compare a band like Slayer to the Jonas Brothers. The Jonas Brothers are not a rock band. They are mainstream pop. Just being a band on the Disney Channel automatically gives them no valid reason to make a movie called Camp Rock. They don't know what they are talking about!

4) I realize that The Jonas Brothers are not the only ones to blame. The writers and producers (who ever they are) are even MORE at fault. I bet you they heard the idea and loved it. Of course they loved the idea of Camp Rock! WHO WOULDN'T?! But they have probably never even been to an actual Camp Rock, therefore making assumptions about something they know nothing about. It is just like stereotyping. Except stereotyping happens way more often than this does.

    Incase you have not yet noticed, I am upset about this. It's bad enough that I have to suffer with the Disney Channel being on my T.V 24/7 because my brother and sister are in love with it. It's bad enough that I have to hear Hilary Duff, The Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, etc on my tv ALL THE TIME. But hearing them mock an amazing assett to my life is just unbearable. I might break my satelite just to get away from this madness. Camp Rock is not for people who like the Disney Channel, to be honest. If you go to camp rock wearing a Jonas Brothers T-Shirt, the rockers will come to you with their instruments and horns and knock you out. That's just the way it is. That is the way it  has always been. And with Camp Rock getting bigger than ever (last year was my first year and apperantly that was the biggest it had ever been), there is bound to be a lot of clashing. And now with this movie giving the wrong impression, people might find out about the REAL Camp Rock, try and go with this Disney Channel P.O.V and make a fool of themselves. Just thinking about it makes my head hurt.

Who wants to crash the premiere armed with eggs and flower with me?



   

Okay. So I didn't get to go see Protest The Hero. I was so pissed off, and I don't feel like going into detail, but I didn't get to go.


OKAY!
So!
Bluesfest last year was a big hit. We had big names come perform such as Bob Dylan, The White Stripes, Ten Years After, etc. I didn't get to go last year. I was supposed to go see Alexisonfire on one of the days, but we didn't get to go 'cause my Dad THOUGHT it was going to rain, and it didn't. And then they came back in December...and I wanted to go but I wasn't allowed. Bad luck with shows lately.

Anyways! They finally released this years line up on the site. Here are some names I am totally stoked to potentially go see:

Metric

Metric is so amazing. Emily Haines is my idol. I love their music...I really hope I get to go see them. They are on Bluesfest pretty much every year, but I have never seen them live. This is my chance!

Tokyo Police Club

These guys are so good. I really hope I get to see them.

The Most Serene Republic

This band is so damn amazing. They aren't very well known, but they are amazing.
The bassist teaches my friends friend the violin.
Also, he is going to playing a show with Reality Control at the Opera House in Toronto.
I know one of the guys from RC...great things are gonna happen for that band if they stay together. I just know it.

Stars

I still need to buy their new album.
It's amazing!

Feist

Yes, everyone knows who Feist is. Yes, she is now more mainstream. But I still like her and I think she is good. And I want to go see her haha.

Now do you see why I am so hyped?!

Pray, cross your fingers, knock on wood! Help me get to Bluesfest 2008!

Okay.
So remember the ranting blog I wrote a few weeks ago about the Protest The Hero show being 19+?

WELL...

There is another show and it is ALL AGES.
I BOUGHT MY TICKETS.
AND I'M GOING.

I can't wait to go. I am so excited. It will be my first show in months, since I am not allowed to go to shows in the winter.
I can't wait for the mosh pit.
I can't wait to buy merch from a merch table once again!
I can't wait to see an amazing band right infront of me.
I can't wait because now things are finally back to normal!

BABYLON BABY I'M COMING BACK!

    Just to make myself clear before anyone reads this, I am not writing to offend ANYONE. I am not trying to offend a band or a fan and if you leave a nasty comment you are literally not defending anyone because I am not writing to offend. I am simply expressing my opinion and if you cannot handle it, then please do not read this journal. Thank you.


Okay. Here we go.





    I don't understand why the majority of the people on this website cannot comprehend the fact that there is more to music than just My Chemical Romance, Paramore, Tokio Hotel, Panic At The Disco, All Time Low, etc. There is more to music than Hayley Williams' wild hairstyle. There are so many great bands out there, but half the time, buzznet is too focused on most of the mainstream Fueled By Ramen-esque music(not saying that MCR is FBR-esque). I don't hate it, I like Paramore. I have both of their albums. Also, I am an MCR fan. They are amazing. But what upsets me is that the majority of the people on this website are too wrapped up in PATD...Paramore...etc to even notice what else is out there. There are people who are listening to music other than the buzznet focus, and I applaud them for that. The more people who do that, the better.




Try to open your mind a little bit?
Maybe get into some indie/alternative/experimental?
Make screamo even more famous than it already is? I know people on here definitely appreciate screamo, and I am glad. =]
Try listening to some oldies.
You don't have to like the oldies, but in my opinion, you should at least respect it because if it wasn't for those bands, today's music wouldn't exist.
I'm not trying to offend any of you.

Just open your minds.
Write about something other than PATD, Paramore, etc.



Thank you for your time. =P

    I just recently realized that I no longer have any close friends. The thing with Lindsey went down the tubes and Rebecca and I never really talk anymore (not that I thought we would after a while). I have no friend to share things with, no one to talk to whenever I feel like it. I miss having a close friend. Instead, I have a few casual friends. But no best friend. I feel so lonely now, so not needed. It hurts. I have a friend from camp but she doesn't live here.


    I hate this. Everyone has a best friend...but me. I don't even know how to go about finding a new one.

My Mom bought me a chocolate egg thingy from Laura Secord that has cream in it. It is so tasty! I shouldn't be eating it though. Chocolate makes me break out. I don't have allergies...unless you count acne as a reaction. Ew.




I got asked to play rhythm guitar in a band! How sick is that?! I accepted at the first second. I am so stoked. We are jamming on monday. We already have a couple songs being brewed up and they are pretty brutal for just the first few hours of jamming with the lead guitarist. YAY!

I have to remember the numbers 8 and 14.

I'm listening to Hawthorne Heights right now (hence the blog title...I always like to have lyrics in my blog titles. Even though they have nothing to do with the blog contents haha).

I HATE MY HAIR. I need a new cut. Any ideas? Haha that would be funny if nobody replied to that (doesn't  mean you need to make that happen). lol

xo

Protest The Hero and The New Pornographers are coming to Ottawa to perform. When I saw these dates on www.punkottawa.com, I was ecstatic. Then, my eyes averted over to the little complication that is 19+ Shows.

I am very upset. I wanted to see these guys live!

WHY CAN'T I JUST BE 19 FOR A FEW SHOWS?!

*cries self to sleep*

There is snow...EVERYWHERE. Even in my house. Let's just say I didn't feel like taking my shoes off just yet.


I can't wait until we are through with winter, the pollen goes into the air and then I get a cold.
It will remind me that we are just that much close to summer.
That much closer to warmth.
That much closer to not needing a coat.
That much closer to Camp Rock and all it's greatness.
That much closer to seeing grass for the first time in months.
That much closer to not hearing my father lecture me about dressing poorly for the weather.